Turkey-Fucking-Day

The infix.  A superb grammatical tool that only one word in the English utilizes.  An infix is a word thrown into the middle of another word which changes the meaning but only sligtly.  The example above is fuckingl; actually fucking is the only owrd in the Engliah language you can use that ruloe.

Yesterday I drank from 3pm to 11pm.  I'm not sure if I'm still buzzed or becoming hung over.  Regardless I can't sleep.  Haven't for the last hour or so.  I'm so fucking stressed about the turkey.  Wcich brings me back to infix.  I think th eturkey is the infix of Thanksgicing.  It has altered teh meaning so that it is impossible to serparte the two.  The one gives the oterh meaning and vice versa.  People call it Turkey dayt.  That is for a reason, it is because of the prevalence of Turkey on the day.  Hell, Turkeys have cahnged because they were bred for Thasnksgiving with less dark meat and bigger breasts.  Thanksgiving turkeys I'm told can't stand upright b/c of that.  Which is distrubing.

I need to go get fixin's out of my car.  They've been there since last night be/cause there is no room at the inn of my refridgerator.  And it's probably cold enougfhh outside.  Ri-fucking-diculous.  And I need to mop the kitchen floor.  And pick up the house more.  I will be throwing things haphhavardly into my room which is already disasterous.  In-fucking-sane. I think I need an emergencee to re-fucking-hydratemyself.

Fucking Growing up

I cannot even believe how fast I grew up.  And I'm not talking about like Middle School and High School, about my first kiss and prom.  I'm tlaking about honest to God real life stuff.

I'm 25 and I'm planning Thanksigivng.  Trying to figure out how to prepare and serve a turkey.  Just a few years ago this was already set in stone for me.  I would come home, there would be turkey and gravy and mashed potatoes.  There would be side dishes and salads and rolls and drinks.  Now I'm heading the brigade of buffet.  And I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.  I've reasearched how to brine a turkey and what not to do and how to paln for extra time but I know I'll fuck up somewere.  I got drunk the nigfht before the nigt before tanksgiving.  And I might get drunk tomrrowm.  Then where will we be.  According to my watch the turkey must be out of te birne by 7.  Which may mean waking up at 6 to pull it out and wash it off.  My fridge is too small. ttere/'s not enough coutner sapce.  Will tere even be enoug food.

FUCK THIS H KEY.  IT DOES NOT WORK UN LESS I SLAM IT DOWN.  GODDAMMIT.

Sigh.

Last year my girlfriend had to make a decision: either fly home for Christmas or fly home for her best friend's wedding in June.  She chose wedding.  And spent Chrsitmas with my family.  Slept in my old room witjh me.  Th epoor thing had to decide, how to make a grown up financial decision.

I was in debt before I realized how hard it would be to get out.  And I don't even have THAT much dbet.  

Where has this gone.  Wat a loss of inconcene.

And I have to be at work at 6 am.

Fuck me.

- Capricornus

A Rare Guest Post

Brought to you by Blogging Barbie

* * *

Blogging Barbie: ;(

So@24: And are you winking and frowning at me??

Blogging Barbie: NO

i menat ;)

sorry

i'm drinking wine

i cooked dinner

Blogging Barbie: DUDE

So@24: DUDE!

Blogging Barbie: can i jus state for the record that sourdough bread and butter with a side of white wine is the BESTEST THING EVER IN THE WORLD

So@24: I dont know about that

Blogging Barbie: FUCK YOU ITS DELISH

and i willl fiiiight you on that

/quote.

So@24: I thought you were calling me "Tits"

and I was like, "Damn Babsy."

Blogging Barbie: TITS

there

did i fulfillll your dream?

So@24: Halfway

Blogging Barbie: TITS MCGEEEEEE

RIGHT. HERE.

oh, dream fulfille

d

dear gd, take away the WONE

WINE*

So@24 HAHAHAHAHAHA

Start a drunk blog entry NOW

Blogging Barbie: fuck. you're prolly dcumenting this shit

So@24: blunkdrogging.blogspot.com

I'll use this convo as a guest entry

Blogging Barbie: OOOH please!

wait can i email you?!

on the use of TEH

when you're drunk

dude

it's SO HARD to write

actualllly

you shoudl just use this convo

Blogging Barbie: not babooo

muahahahhahahahha

YES

also

side note

wait i need to think

OH

side note. back again.

i WILL NOT PASS OUT HALFWAY THRU A SOTRY

BABS does not do thatedness

(as ref'd in one of your recent entries)

hah. f*ing amateurs.

Blogging Barbie: k

LOVE YOU

SEND ME THE LINK IN EMAIL

when YOU POSTTTTTT

HEARTS OUT, BITCH!

zomagod

did i say that

??

xoxox

olympi-mexi-beer

8/18/08 10:30 pm

So I didn't realize it was only 10:30 and I was drunk. Whatever. I drank like 8 Tecates with dinner. AND tomorrow I have teh day of f so fuck you guys. I'm writign this on fucking notepad because bitches are complaingina about a lack of posts. SO SORRY. SOME OF OUR GIRLFRIENDS DON'T HAVE THE INTERNET. Yeah, I know it's like the stone age here. And when I say stone age I actually mean abo0tu 10 years ago. Whatever. The last thing I need is teh internet distracting me at all times.

Besides.
I already hit the end of teh internet.
And came back.
Suck it.

Anywho. I'm watchin g the olympics and getting sitty. Men's Rings is on right now whciu does me well to remind me of mine inadequency. But I also ave callbacks next week. I bet none of those gusy can do Chekov. Sometime the olympics make you realize how amazing the uman body is, sometimes the olympics remind you how impercfect teh human body is, and sometimes it reminds you you are a fat ass.

My head urst from Tecate.

... BTWI haven't updated b/c I was doing a cancer research study where I couldn't drink. That's right, my blogging was being used to fight cancer. So fuck that guiy.

But yea. I should up date more. Typing is gettign very hard. I tink I will clsoe the laptop now.


"adieu, adieu, remember me."

janebejane

hello hello

song stuck in my head while completely drunk off me arse:

Ben Folds 5 "jane be ajne"

so good bitch

soooooo good.

When do girls stop lioiking gutys when they get absolutely hammered. why do people grow up?

NICK!

NCIK!

Alright. ets get fucming serious for just about 5 seconds. I'm not even triying ot b e funny.

How do you have a drunk emoticon 8^0 @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

thats a guy puking.

whoo doggy

goodnight everybody!

bah,

Ladies and gENtlemen, my avid readership. I must do apologize. I had no idea anyone actaulyl read this thing. BUT it hsa come to my attention that people do. And as such, I will endeavor to make my posts more regular (heaven knows I'm drunk enough to post, that is not the dilemna).

Oh, my thoughts whirl about me. Which to pluck, to dissect for thee.

Oh, here's one. You should know... my girlfriend is a psychic. She's told me before and Id di not believe her. She's told me again and I only half believed her. tonight she proved true when she called a gentleman a douch bag. several times I may note btoh to his face and to me and my company. Not but 15 minutes after she left the bar, he (the douche) was foribly removed. With pepperspray! They kicked the rest of us out sortly thereaftere cause the air was unbreathable. but she knows. When all is said an done she knows.

I walked a ways. and no drun kdial was met with answer. For shame. WO (you know who youare) you cahnged your number. I called youer number and a man with a heavy accent answered your phoine. I thought it might be you playing games but he hung up on me. this sucsk. Please altetr this immediately.

at least I didn't have a moth fly in my crotch. Seriously, can I say that. Oh dear. I need to go to bed.

Au ravoire mon amis, au ravoire. Because adieu is goodbye forever. And I will nto ahave it/ Au ravoire.



-Capicornus

Superheros = Bad assssssssssss

drinks consuemed: 4 pabsts

I sense an ongoing theme here.

Why couldn't I be Captain America!? Why couldn't I have a badass superhero name??

How am I supposed to compete now???

fuck yeah.

you dont care about titles anyway

drinsk consumed: 5 pabst blue ribbons; 1/2 of Magnum 40

things in m tytummy: turkewy and chese sammich. thats it.

one hour to go.

dude. remember winamp? how come no ones use s winamp anymore? that shit was fucking KING.

KINFG~

oh no one cares.

what exactky is IN a 40? The bottom of the vbarrel shit? it's terrible.

but so cheap.

Dude! Do they have 40s in Europe? What would do they call them?

oh. 'nother train of thought.

Hoiw do yuo explain a webcam purchase? I mean, i know if i were a claerk id be creeped out. And you can't say it's for work even if it is, because theyd wouldnt believe you.

How come no one is up?

balls.

stalkering? being coo?

what was consumed: 4 pabst blue ribbosn. did i drink this last time? fuck if I remember. It's cheap as hell down here. 12.99 for a 24 pack? come on!

dinner: a submarine sandwich @ approx. 1:00pm PST

my weight: 128 lbs.

time: well, i wanted to get another beer. and then I got distracted. So now, it's actually 9:40pm PST.

I shit you not, ABBA's "Does your mother know" just came on my iTunes. It's a terrible song.

Alright, I'm starting to sound like one of those blogs who goes on and on about qhat they had for breakfast. time to start getting into some serious shit.

I'm 25 yeard old. And I am getting hammered on a Monday. Is this shit normal? Someone please validate me.

question. is looikn g at the same girl's pictures over and over and over again called "stalking" or "crushing"? because at this point i really dont know the different.ce abd U'm scaring the shit out ofmysrlf.


Can I try that again? My. Self. Fuck yeah. Still got it.

Trinity of Subjects

1) First of all, I must say, beofre anything else come to light it is fucking awesome to drink a beer in the shower. I have no doubt in my mind that physcists and biologists will suggest chemical resasons... but I am a man of the arts. And I am a firm believer in the idea that aesthetic is built on contrast. And I truly, madly, deeply believe in my heart of hearts taht one of the reasons a beer is so good in the shower is teh contrast between the cold beer and the hot shower. I stood enjoying it for the latter half of the post-work shower I took today. (An atypical habit for me however) I do reccomend if you haven't tried it, do.

2) My dear friend and I are btoh apparently pack rats. I was well aware of the idea that I was one, but had no idea he succeeded to the same tendencies. He said a phrase which must be documented (side note: we were btoh drunk, I stillam), "Dude, I know where it is. It's in one of four boxes. In the second layer. In the upper left hand corner."I have 3 words for you dear friend, "Exactly, dude. Exactly."

3) Lastly it must be noted that this friend was also searching for his cell phone while I was tlakign to him on it. I'm sure most of us are guilty of this stupidity but still, on si wont to laugh.
I miss you, dear friend. I miss you.

= Capricornus

I msis colleg

Drinks I've had: 7 Keystone Lights

KLet me first say that I am not making these numerous spelling errors justy because I think it'll be funny later to be like,

"Oh shit. Look at m.e I'm so fucking funny that I mispelled simple words while I was tanked."

This is drunk blogging. And this shit I take very seriously.


------------------


So. I got a new computer delivered today. I ahvben't had a computer since I went to college. So we're talkjing, my old computer (Ol' Rusty) was from like 1997.

I spent the entire evening drinking beers (obiously) and moving files from a flash drive from Rusty to the new comp.

I've gone through all my college pictures and songs long forgotten. Fuck I miss college.

It's funny how pictures and songs can grab you by the jugular and bring your ass right back to that spot. Fucking nostalgic. Seriously. Nostalgia. Wtf man. wtf.

My first

Number o' Drinks: 4 Keystone Lights, 1 Busch

Wow. Spinny, spinny.

Getting into a drunk debate with my friend Skins about whether or not girls and guys can be legitimately friends.

No, im not gonna post the quote from fucking When Harry Met Sally (although that movie IS indeed, the shit) because every fucking bloggerwho talks about this topic brings up that.

puff puff

Drunk shower time. Gonna bring a brewskie in there.

I dont even think tat UI spelled that riht.

w00.

Snow

I shall blunkdrogg as codename shallot, as I saw a cooking show in which an Australian chef pronounced that particular root vegetable with the stress on the first syllable ((instead of the second, as all reasonable new-world colonials pronounce it) recently, and was charmed.

Two things:

It's snowing here in Chicago. It's always fucking snowing in Chicago. It makes me miserable. It does, it does. Snow, once upon a time, was a magical thing. I recall all those winter days in Bellingham when it would snow and the city would shut down joyously. It was one of those few places in the world where snow seem to be universally appreciated, celebrated. You could easily imagine businessmen and bankers and university professors and bartenders and students equally appreciating the chance for their lifestyles to be disrupted.

Here in Chicago it's just a chance for an otherwise mediocre life to become that much more work. C'est la vie, I suppose. Me, for one, I'm thinking of heading back to the part of the world where snow is a pleasant aberration, not just every third winter day.

I'm currently drinking double makers rocks and a highlife and thinking of better times, either in the past or future. I don't really care either way.

If you like cool things for drunks then you might like this:

http://www.bottledcity.com/2007/06/29/ive-always-liked-midgets-in-ballgowns/

I do. I'd buy it if I hadn't lost my credit card the other day. Damn, I should cancel that stupid thing.

love,

Shallot.

the thing is, you ALWAYS have to accept the terms of agreement

Hey all, so basically this is a post for a few drunk freinds of mine. We will get drunk and we will blog. But more importantly, we will blog here. We'll blog about all the inconsequential/incredible things that we do, realize, or simply witness. I am your host but not the origniator of the idea. I will go under the codename: Capricorn (or Capricornus, as I am prone to Latin).

I saw so much stuff tonight. I saw what I presume to be a blind date (one of whom I think I saw naked in a recent theatre production, not worth it however as he is a fat clod), I read a heart wrenching play, and talked to some weirdo online who didn't know who Moliere was. What a terribelk mistake. How can you not who moliere is?... was?

Ok so, ignore the bad spelling, grammar, and punctuation and please enjoy, our Blunk Droggings.

-Capricornus