Freedom

Sober (Hung-Over) Note: This entry was commissioned for This Improvised Life an improvised satire of This American Life. It will be performed live at the Historic Univeristy Theater, 5510 University Way, Seattle, WA on Thursday, February 12th, 2009 at 8:00 pm (produced by Wing-It Porductions).

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I am not free. I'm a trying to be. But I am not.

First of all locked in by too much beer. And that sucks. I mean I could talk about Bush or healt care or thhe arts or whatever but let s be fair. I lock myself up. Locked up by decorum and tact and desire. desire locks you up. In a different way. Tose wo embrace desire are not plagues by this but I am because when the perfecet moment comes I know, and I know just wat to say but I never say it. I am not plagued by parking lot wit. I haver it at my disposal my issue is saying it. One of tese days.

I'm broigt back to the red line.

That is unncessary.

I won't have it.

My life is shambles. It is constant shambles. The onl;y way to have freedom is to move. To new people to new places to where nobody bknows anything. I ddi it once. I did it a couple times. It's very hard. And lonely. Oh so lonely. And you never end up just like you were. Maybe tat's the blessing. Maybe that's the curse.

My back hurts. and my front is flabby. Dude tat sucks. What one really needs is comfortability. Of self. Of sitaution. of cocupation. of income. these are all so difficult, ow does one accomodate?

I don't know. I wish I did but I really don't.

there's a picture of me. a picture of me and my dad in disney land. And we're wearing Indaina Jones hats ( we each got one) standing in the line for some ride. And I think about that time. That moment. MY mom and dad divorced just one year later. what was my dad thinking of when e put is arm around me? Was he thinking of my family? Of my mom? Of our vacaation? Of his new girlfriend? Of ths vacations tey might take? We smile so hard in that picture. it looks honest. Father and son. at disneyland. my first time. my last time maybe. Behind us I tyink is robinson caruso. perhaps tat is freedom.

Maybe the only way to freedom is to cut ties with everything you lareday know.

I can't cut ties with my loves. My girl, my passions, improv, theatre, all the rest. It'ws too hard it hurts to mcuh. To bid adieu. But I am a rteck. tieds to too many things. I had freedom than I strived fo rtihgngs to tie me down. Now I am tied down. I look for freedom.

my head hurts I think. It may be owrse in the mornign.