so what have i done?

on the walk home muy head was filled with poetry as it often is after this much spirits.
I thought about how you walked away. and i got sad. then i walked back in for mor bourbon.

I can't help but say things to these people right now in these times. teh promises were made. and her perfume, an d her perfume and her perfume. and all this bourbon swimming aoround in minde veins.

i'm captivated. and lonely. what am i doing to su? what am i doing to you? and me? i'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.


can you ever forgive me?

La MArseillaise

I saw the French flag pour through open windows tonihgt. Red and blue walls divided by white trim. I walked through the drizzle of this rain soaked city and love every minute of it. Even the minute where I stepped around puke. Ihave n't made teh trek through closing time in awhile. It wasn't quite there yet but it was close. People pouring out of bars and into cabs, stumbling pedestrians occupying entrie sidewalks and disobeying traffic signals.

I feel lost and right at home.

I wonder wher eyou are.

And if you're thinking of me too.

My life has been a tree. It began in the roots which weren't mine and the trunk was straight and narrow. Now we are dividing in to branches. And the paths are many. Too many to choose. And I dont know where all these things lead. And I'm trying not to use the delete key but it's hard. Forces of habit are hard.

What shall we do?

Shall we conitnue on?

No doubt we shall.

But I can't help getting misty about the whole thing and wishing the decisions weren't mine.

Nothing Great Comes Over the Counter

Tonight.  Oh, tonight I starved.  But were nowhere to be found.  You were far away.  Far away breaking my heart with your distance.  I giant lever pushed only milmeters to crack me in two.

So I stared out the bar window.  And I looked at girl passing by until she looked at me.  She looked at me and giggled and thrilled then looked back but I had alredy looked away.  I wondered if I had met her gaze again if she would have come in to meet me.  

Then later I walked home.  Through the busy areas.  Looking for that again.

I cut through the park and one of a pair of girls approached me.  We were all in the same state.  Intoxicated.  Walking.  Getting on (as best we could, or know how).  She stopped me, wlaked staraight up to me and said, "We need a hug?"

"All three of us?"

She looks back at her friend, "Yes."

We hug.  We embrace for a moment and I suddenly have a feeling that our whole is greater than the sum of our parts.  I feel like our humanity has comforted us more than anything else.

"Don't worry girls," I say, "Humanity is here."  I give both of their backs a little rub, we thank one another, and carry on.  As we all must do.

Two girls and a boy passed by after the park.  The third wheel girl, obviously intoxicated, said loudly "I'm a professional penis inspector.   But there's plenty of those [around here]."  I wanted to say (I almost said it).  "Curious, I have a penis.  And I'm certain it needs inspecting."  What would she have done?

I can only hope.

It is a struggle always.  It will no doubt be one.  We are lucky to have outlets.

The clock at the grocery is off by two hours.  or two ours I almost wrote.  This is disconcerting.

That ought to be remedied.

I could use a remedy.

What I require they do not seel over the counter.