Freedom

Sober (Hung-Over) Note: This entry was commissioned for This Improvised Life an improvised satire of This American Life. It will be performed live at the Historic Univeristy Theater, 5510 University Way, Seattle, WA on Thursday, February 12th, 2009 at 8:00 pm (produced by Wing-It Porductions).

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I am not free. I'm a trying to be. But I am not.

First of all locked in by too much beer. And that sucks. I mean I could talk about Bush or healt care or thhe arts or whatever but let s be fair. I lock myself up. Locked up by decorum and tact and desire. desire locks you up. In a different way. Tose wo embrace desire are not plagues by this but I am because when the perfecet moment comes I know, and I know just wat to say but I never say it. I am not plagued by parking lot wit. I haver it at my disposal my issue is saying it. One of tese days.

I'm broigt back to the red line.

That is unncessary.

I won't have it.

My life is shambles. It is constant shambles. The onl;y way to have freedom is to move. To new people to new places to where nobody bknows anything. I ddi it once. I did it a couple times. It's very hard. And lonely. Oh so lonely. And you never end up just like you were. Maybe tat's the blessing. Maybe that's the curse.

My back hurts. and my front is flabby. Dude tat sucks. What one really needs is comfortability. Of self. Of sitaution. of cocupation. of income. these are all so difficult, ow does one accomodate?

I don't know. I wish I did but I really don't.

there's a picture of me. a picture of me and my dad in disney land. And we're wearing Indaina Jones hats ( we each got one) standing in the line for some ride. And I think about that time. That moment. MY mom and dad divorced just one year later. what was my dad thinking of when e put is arm around me? Was he thinking of my family? Of my mom? Of our vacaation? Of his new girlfriend? Of ths vacations tey might take? We smile so hard in that picture. it looks honest. Father and son. at disneyland. my first time. my last time maybe. Behind us I tyink is robinson caruso. perhaps tat is freedom.

Maybe the only way to freedom is to cut ties with everything you lareday know.

I can't cut ties with my loves. My girl, my passions, improv, theatre, all the rest. It'ws too hard it hurts to mcuh. To bid adieu. But I am a rteck. tieds to too many things. I had freedom than I strived fo rtihgngs to tie me down. Now I am tied down. I look for freedom.

my head hurts I think. It may be owrse in the mornign.

The Webs We Weave

Sober (Hung-Over) Note: This particular entry was made last night without internet service and commissioned for This Improvised Life an improvised satire of This American Life. It will be performed live at the Historic Univeristy Theater, 5510 University Way, Seattle, WA on Friday, January 23rd, 2009 at 8:00 pm (produced by Wing-It Porductions).

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Hello. Hallo. And suddenly without warning I’m inclined to apologise.

1) For being drunk.
2) For- my stomach is moving.
3) For I had to take the cap to the Scandisk out of mouth. (I need to remember and this is the only way I will carry I with me.)

I just deleted a spelling mistake. 2 actaully. Well really 3 but now they will be left in. (For the most part) What do you want from me?

So I’m quite certain I weave an aura of coolness which I am really not entitled to. I’m neither smart nor smooth. I’m nothing special in your face. Asking- beggin if I can hang out.

I would love love love to be part of whoyoou are. Whoever you are. But I have very little too offer. I though when I was young It would be garet to be a jcak of all trades. I realize now that a jack of all trade specializes in nothing. I thought if I could do everything a little bit, “how great would that be?” it turns out not so great at all. And now Iam mired in a educational pit. I wold love to study chemistry. Or trigonometry. Or geometry. Or there still geometers? Or trigonometeurs? I wonder if there are even still Geographers? Where do the hard sciences go before they meld into philosphpy? String theory (seems to me (on my most basic readings of the subject)) a wild phil\osphy of matter. I would love to help though. I feel I have quite an imagination (Although it is always stuck in anarchinsism and archaism). What will I do? Oh what will I do?

I have an offer. I have an offer and I hope it settles my April and may. God I would love it. I already knmow. IN these turbulent times my life remains mostly the same.

I need to go to bed. Because she’ lying there. And I love her. And she breaks my heart when she sleeps. Worse than Banjo and accordian in minor. She has power I cannot grasp. I love her though. And I will lay down next to her. I love you too though. And goodnight.

Turkey-Fucking-Day

The infix.  A superb grammatical tool that only one word in the English utilizes.  An infix is a word thrown into the middle of another word which changes the meaning but only sligtly.  The example above is fuckingl; actually fucking is the only owrd in the Engliah language you can use that ruloe.

Yesterday I drank from 3pm to 11pm.  I'm not sure if I'm still buzzed or becoming hung over.  Regardless I can't sleep.  Haven't for the last hour or so.  I'm so fucking stressed about the turkey.  Wcich brings me back to infix.  I think th eturkey is the infix of Thanksgicing.  It has altered teh meaning so that it is impossible to serparte the two.  The one gives the oterh meaning and vice versa.  People call it Turkey dayt.  That is for a reason, it is because of the prevalence of Turkey on the day.  Hell, Turkeys have cahnged because they were bred for Thasnksgiving with less dark meat and bigger breasts.  Thanksgiving turkeys I'm told can't stand upright b/c of that.  Which is distrubing.

I need to go get fixin's out of my car.  They've been there since last night be/cause there is no room at the inn of my refridgerator.  And it's probably cold enougfhh outside.  Ri-fucking-diculous.  And I need to mop the kitchen floor.  And pick up the house more.  I will be throwing things haphhavardly into my room which is already disasterous.  In-fucking-sane. I think I need an emergencee to re-fucking-hydratemyself.

Fucking Growing up

I cannot even believe how fast I grew up.  And I'm not talking about like Middle School and High School, about my first kiss and prom.  I'm tlaking about honest to God real life stuff.

I'm 25 and I'm planning Thanksigivng.  Trying to figure out how to prepare and serve a turkey.  Just a few years ago this was already set in stone for me.  I would come home, there would be turkey and gravy and mashed potatoes.  There would be side dishes and salads and rolls and drinks.  Now I'm heading the brigade of buffet.  And I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.  I've reasearched how to brine a turkey and what not to do and how to paln for extra time but I know I'll fuck up somewere.  I got drunk the nigfht before the nigt before tanksgiving.  And I might get drunk tomrrowm.  Then where will we be.  According to my watch the turkey must be out of te birne by 7.  Which may mean waking up at 6 to pull it out and wash it off.  My fridge is too small. ttere/'s not enough coutner sapce.  Will tere even be enoug food.

FUCK THIS H KEY.  IT DOES NOT WORK UN LESS I SLAM IT DOWN.  GODDAMMIT.

Sigh.

Last year my girlfriend had to make a decision: either fly home for Christmas or fly home for her best friend's wedding in June.  She chose wedding.  And spent Chrsitmas with my family.  Slept in my old room witjh me.  Th epoor thing had to decide, how to make a grown up financial decision.

I was in debt before I realized how hard it would be to get out.  And I don't even have THAT much dbet.  

Where has this gone.  Wat a loss of inconcene.

And I have to be at work at 6 am.

Fuck me.

- Capricornus

A Rare Guest Post

Brought to you by Blogging Barbie

* * *

Blogging Barbie: ;(

So@24: And are you winking and frowning at me??

Blogging Barbie: NO

i menat ;)

sorry

i'm drinking wine

i cooked dinner

Blogging Barbie: DUDE

So@24: DUDE!

Blogging Barbie: can i jus state for the record that sourdough bread and butter with a side of white wine is the BESTEST THING EVER IN THE WORLD

So@24: I dont know about that

Blogging Barbie: FUCK YOU ITS DELISH

and i willl fiiiight you on that

/quote.

So@24: I thought you were calling me "Tits"

and I was like, "Damn Babsy."

Blogging Barbie: TITS

there

did i fulfillll your dream?

So@24: Halfway

Blogging Barbie: TITS MCGEEEEEE

RIGHT. HERE.

oh, dream fulfille

d

dear gd, take away the WONE

WINE*

So@24 HAHAHAHAHAHA

Start a drunk blog entry NOW

Blogging Barbie: fuck. you're prolly dcumenting this shit

So@24: blunkdrogging.blogspot.com

I'll use this convo as a guest entry

Blogging Barbie: OOOH please!

wait can i email you?!

on the use of TEH

when you're drunk

dude

it's SO HARD to write

actualllly

you shoudl just use this convo

Blogging Barbie: not babooo

muahahahhahahahha

YES

also

side note

wait i need to think

OH

side note. back again.

i WILL NOT PASS OUT HALFWAY THRU A SOTRY

BABS does not do thatedness

(as ref'd in one of your recent entries)

hah. f*ing amateurs.

Blogging Barbie: k

LOVE YOU

SEND ME THE LINK IN EMAIL

when YOU POSTTTTTT

HEARTS OUT, BITCH!

zomagod

did i say that

??

xoxox

olympi-mexi-beer

8/18/08 10:30 pm

So I didn't realize it was only 10:30 and I was drunk. Whatever. I drank like 8 Tecates with dinner. AND tomorrow I have teh day of f so fuck you guys. I'm writign this on fucking notepad because bitches are complaingina about a lack of posts. SO SORRY. SOME OF OUR GIRLFRIENDS DON'T HAVE THE INTERNET. Yeah, I know it's like the stone age here. And when I say stone age I actually mean abo0tu 10 years ago. Whatever. The last thing I need is teh internet distracting me at all times.

Besides.
I already hit the end of teh internet.
And came back.
Suck it.

Anywho. I'm watchin g the olympics and getting sitty. Men's Rings is on right now whciu does me well to remind me of mine inadequency. But I also ave callbacks next week. I bet none of those gusy can do Chekov. Sometime the olympics make you realize how amazing the uman body is, sometimes the olympics remind you how impercfect teh human body is, and sometimes it reminds you you are a fat ass.

My head urst from Tecate.

... BTWI haven't updated b/c I was doing a cancer research study where I couldn't drink. That's right, my blogging was being used to fight cancer. So fuck that guiy.

But yea. I should up date more. Typing is gettign very hard. I tink I will clsoe the laptop now.


"adieu, adieu, remember me."

janebejane

hello hello

song stuck in my head while completely drunk off me arse:

Ben Folds 5 "jane be ajne"

so good bitch

soooooo good.

When do girls stop lioiking gutys when they get absolutely hammered. why do people grow up?

NICK!

NCIK!

Alright. ets get fucming serious for just about 5 seconds. I'm not even triying ot b e funny.

How do you have a drunk emoticon 8^0 @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

thats a guy puking.

whoo doggy

goodnight everybody!